Current wishlist.

• Someone to bang out the 60 pages I need for my dissertation so I can concentrate on building the fucking thing.
• The new Daft Punk album.
• A new espresso machine so I never have to sleep again.
• A big bag o’ money.
• Someone to fill out the remaining applications for the jobs I intend to apply to but don’t have the time to actually do because they take about a week each.

Perfectly realistic.

I just want to watch Masterchef in the bath.

I recently got bored of my healthy, humdrum life so gave contracting an abhorrent fever a go, only to myself in a sweaty world of sweating, shivering & dreaming of flying through the sky with Chevy Chase & attacking an aircraft carriers (completely separate occasions, of course), followed by more sweating & a bit of aggravated prodding because I was “talking in my sleep” or “cuddling too close while being the same temperature as the sun” or “dribbling on her back”. My girlfriend is a compulsive liar.

She got me a bubble bath bar so I could soak in the tub to feel better, or so she could drown me… I wasn’t sure what her goal was, but, unfortunately, I woke up feeling rejuvenated before she could give it to me & went back to Brighton. So now I’m here with a bar of something which smells so good I want to crumble it on a dessert & a bath which is a wide as a gutter.

Also, Masterchef has started again & I haven’t had a chance to watch it.

Does anyone have a giant bath for rent so I can solve both issues simultaneously?

1.30am - Just got in from campus.

Dragged myself up the stairs to my flat looking forward to collapsing into my crisp, freshly washed sheets & instead was met with the realisation I left them at my parents & have no spares so I’m just left huddled in a pale, shapeless pile of pillows and a duvet.

I didn’t think I’d find a way to resemble a meth addict any more closely, I’m sleeping on a mattress on the floor as it is, but I have accomplished it.